#but yeah like I thought all of us together would be fun family time ya know

[aro-tarot]

In a Twitch stream, I brought up my 76yo nana about to play dnd for the first time since I knew everyone would be nice.

And like, she thought everyone was gonna make fun of her, and I showed her how everyone thought that was really cool and wishing her luck.

Wasn’t really expecting her to start tearing up.

Like, I talked her into it, a fun thing for the four of us to do each week, my brother is even doing his first time playing as two characters so we have enough pc, and she’s been thinking that she’s going to be bad at it. I’ve told her that none of them are going to get it perfectly right off the bat and that I’m going to help explain stuff as they come up, like how to roll. I’ve watched a DM playing with new players before, and I’ve been a new player.

But yeah, like, the characters are starting to be thought out, and it sounds like it’s going to be a fun time. If we fucked up a bit, we fuck up a bit. If anything, it’s all on me since I’m the DM, ya know.

At the moment the characters are gonna be:

NanNa: Dwarf Rogue, CN, Charlatan background

Mom: Eladrin Archfey Warlock

Andy (Brother): 1st- Tiefling Cleric 2nd - Either Halfing or Half-Elf Bard who is emo.

[dodje-melai]

Can we talk about how fucking sweet Hobie would be in a relationship?

He’d treat you so well every single moment he’s with you. He’d never treat you bad and would always make sure you feel appreciated and wanted.

You guys probably wouldn’t have an official title to your relationship because Hobie “doesn’t believe in labels” (he’s joking when he says that), but everyone who knows you knows that you two are basically dating. However, if it matters to you about putting a label on your relationship with him, he’d be totally cool with doing that. He wouldn’t mind you calling him your partner publicly, and he’d love to do the same with you.

“I don’t mind puttin’ a label on us, luv. Whateva makes ya happy.”

Hobie would treat you almost daily with handmade gifts, or gifts he bought from a small family-owned shop, or something he just stole from a corporate-owned store if it’s something you really really want. He’d also treat you by taking you out, mainly to cool places that he’s found while swinging around. He’d also take you out to concerts by either stealing tickets or sneaking you in.

“‘Ey doll, got us sum tickets to a band ya like.”

“What? Hobie, these tickets are crazy expensive! How the hell did you buy these?”

“I ain’t ever said I bought ‘em.”

And sometimes, if he thinks you’re tough enough for it and you’re willing to go, he’ll take you to riots with him. He’d hold your hand or your hip or just anywhere he can so that he doesn’t lose you in the crowd. He makes sure that nothing bad happens to you, which his spidey sense makes it easier for him to do so. Though if you were to somehow get hurt he’d feel guilty for letting that happen, and he’d patch you up and make sure you heal properly.

“Hobie, I’m fine. I just scraped my knee—“

“I don’t want ya gettin’ an infection, dove. The road’s dirty. Now quit squirmin’, I’m tryna disinfect it.”

Aside from gift giving and quality time, Hobie’s other love language is physical touch. He loves to hold you, kiss you, touch you, anything that involves being close to you. He’ll hold your hand or your hip while walking, and he’ll either hold your waist or slip his hand into your back pocket while you’re standing together. If you’re sitting, he’ll always have his hand on your thigh. Always. Sometimes he’ll even try to sit you on his lap if he wants to be extra close to you.

“Mm… c’mere babes, I wanna be closer to ya.”

“Hobie, I’m literally sitting on top of you. I can’t get any closer.”

“Yes ya can, you’re just not tryin’ hard enough.”

I think a very important aspect of being in a relationship with Hobie would be effective communication. Yes that’s important in all relationships, but it’s extremely important for him especially. He always wants to be aware of what’s too much for you so that he doesn’t cross any boundaries, and if he did, he wants you to feel comfortable enough to tell him what he did. He hates the thought of miscommunication ruining your relationship.

“Darlin’, I can tell somethin’ is wrong. Ya can tell me anythin’, ya know that yeah?”

Hobie is undoubtedly a very loyal partner. He would never even think of cheating on you. You’re practically his everything at this point. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost you; it doesn’t matter how he loses you, any way would be devastating. In turn, he trusts that you are very loyal too. He knows that you’d never cheat on him or flirt with someone else. Why would he date you if he didn’t trust you?

“Ya know I trust ya mo’ than anyone, yeah?”

Hobie doesn’t get jealous or overly possessive. He knows you’re his, there’s no need to consistently flaunt that. Besides, it’s fun watching you tell people that are flirting with you that you’re not single. But if some bastard wants to keep flirting with you after you’ve made it clear that you’re taken and uninterested, then he’ll step in and put that bastard in their place.

“Oi, fuck off mate. They ain’t interested in you.”

Something important about Hobie is that he’ll never lie to you. He keeps secrets, but if you find out about something and confront him about it, he’ll tell you the truth. Even if the secret you found out is that he’s Spider-Man.

“Hobie, this is a serious question, so I need you to tell me the truth. Are you really, genuinely Spider-Man?”

“Yep, I am. You’re a smart one, dove. How much snoopin’ have you been doin’ lately?”

“…I swear to god if you’re messing with me right now I will punt you.”

“Not jokin’. I’m a hundred percent serious, especially ‘bout ya bein’ very smart.”

Basically I think being his partner would be nice :)

[ashipiko]

ASHI - BIRTHDAY JACKET VIGNETTE 🌺

(PART 1 - 2.7)

ASHI: Hmhm~ A bday Interview, huh? It looked super funsies when everyone else did it, so I’m hyped!

ASHI: I’m guessing since we’re in the Pomedorms… A Pom? But who, exactly…

ASHI: (Ahaha, as nice as Rook and Vil are, I might end up feeling the pressure a little. It’d be an honor, obvs, but #stressful…!)

ASHI: (O Magical Birthday Dice, please have mercy…!)

???: Oi, Ashi!

EPEL: Happy Birthday! You weren’t expecting me, were you?

ASHI: Waugh?! Eppy! Hahaha, what a pleasant surprise!

ASHI: I’m so stoked you’re my interviewer! Who knew I’d get so lucky?

EPEL: No need to flatter me, you know. Thank you for having me.

ASHI: Pssh, why’re you acting so uptight, Eppy? It’s just me! I like your lingo and stuff.

EPEL: I’d love to, but… We’re still in the Pomefiore dorms, you know. I never know if Vil is lurking around or not…

ASHI: Ahh, fair point. Bummer. Maybe next time!

EPEL: Ehe, maybe. Anyway, here’s my birthday present to you. I hope you enjoy.

ASHI: Only one way to find out!

ASHI: Whoa… This is so cute?! And so fluffy…! I needed something to keep me warm at Ramshackle!

ASHI: There’s even little fox ears on it! And it’s my favorite color! Eppy…!

EPEL: I told my Granny about your birthday coming up, and since she enjoyed your company so much during Harveston…

EPEL: She asked for some things that you like and stirred this up. If anything, you should be giving the thanks to her.

ASHI: I thank the entire Felmier fam! It’s so cute, I’m gonna cry…! I’m about to wear this right now!

EPEL: You’re a summer baby, Ashi! Watch out for the heat…

EPEL: And I still have a new stock of apple cider coming in too, from my family’s farm. Your presents don’t just end there, heh.

ASHI: More?! I still haven’t finished the last one you gave me…

ASHI: No sweat! We’ll just plan another hangout at Ramshackle and chug ‘em all down together~.

EPEL: Unless Ace gets jealous and barges in again. That darn simp can’t get enough of ya.

ASHI: Hehe. Maybe I should make a no-Ace sign for next time, to put on Ramshackle’s dorm. Thoughts?

EPEL: I’ll help ya make it!

EPEL: O-Oh right, the interview. Maybe it was a little bit of a mistake pairing us up together, we keep on chatting…

ASHI: Nono! This is a Eppy W, DW!

EPEL: If you say so. First question…

EPEL: If you could take any person with you to a deserted island, who would it be? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t take one of the ghosts or Grim, but it can’t be someone from your dorm.

ASHI: Grimmy’s great! But for survival… Ehh…

ASHI: NGL, a deserted island sounds kinda scaries, as much as I love the beach. Like yeah, I’d love to hang, but survival? Hecks naw!

EPEL: Sounds about right. You’re really like a princess.

ASHI: Mhm! If I really wanted to, I could probably get to the basics by myself if I tried. But do I wanna? No.

ASHI: It’d probably be a good idea to get paired with someone who knows what they’re doing, y’know? At the very least, I can depend on them!

EPEL: So someone who can take care of you? Leona, maybe? Since he already babies you… Alternatively, I don’t really think Ace would be the best choice, no offense.

ASHI: None taken. He deserves it. But nope! This is a fun scenario, right? I might as well go out with a bang, or someone I can have fun with.

ASHI: So, I say Floyd!

EPEL: Floyd?!

ASHI: Aye aye, cap’n! You get it, don’tcha? He’s so tall and could get all the coconuts! I think we’d have a lot of fun, too.

EPEL: I know you work at Monstro Lounge, but aren’t you scared of him still? He’s a little unpredictable, so he clashes with you.

ASHI: Well, that’s what makes him fun, right? I guess it’s all depending on his mood…

ASHI: One time we accidentally totally crashed Monstro Lounge ‘cause he freaked me out, hehe. It’s a little scary when you’re doing a closing shift and all you hear is a tiny “shriiiimpy~” in the distance.

ASHI: My fear of the dark TOTALLY kicked in then. I never screamed so loud in my entire life!

EPEL: I can imagine… Sharp teeth, glowy eyes and all.

ASHI: I tried getting back at him once too, when I blended some shiitake mushrooms into his milkshake.

ASHI: …I don’t think I’ve ever even ran that fast before, TBH.

EPEL: Ashi, this isn’t really helping your case, if I’m being honest… You’re making it sound like he’d eat you by the time someone saved you two.

ASHI: W-Well! On the other hand, he’s got that eel form that we can rely on too! If we get bored, we can just zoom on out and crash Azul’s place or something, y’know?

EPEL: I guess I see your point. Being a merman must means he could help a lot on an island…

ASHI: Yup, yup! Anyway, I think we’re good enough buds where I’m 97% sure he wouldn’t eat me!~

EPEL: Heh, classic Ashi. I guess in a way you really did think it through, even if it sounded odd at first.

ASHI: Of coursies! ♪

EPEL: Okay, about time for our next question.

EPEL: If you were to transfer to a different dorm, which would you pick?

ASHI: Oh, a good one! I think I’ve kinda cheated with my Ramshackle prefect rights, hehe. I’m a little bit of a dorm-hopper.

ASHI: But a permanently different dorm…~ I think about it sometimes.

EPEL: Really? Which dorms?

EPEL: I think I could see you fitting in Heartslabyul, since you’re pretty good at sticking to the rules. Riddle likes you a lot too, more than he likes Ace, at least.

ASHI: Oho? Tell me more, Eppy!

EPEL: Um… I think Scarabia could fit you too. You and Kalim are sort of one and the same, don’t you see it?

ASHI: I see whatchu mean!

EPEL: Yeah. I couldn’t ever see you in anything like Savanaclaw, Ignihyde, or Diasomnia, though.

EPEL: You don’t really have an athletic, competitive, or magic drive… Ignihyde is a whole can of worms.

EPEL: I don’t think you could stand a day in that dorm, with the dark, creepy skeletons everywhere.

ASHI: Waugh… Don’t remind me, Eppy!

EPEL: Not to mention, the housewarden. As soon as you see him in person, I think the Headmaster would have to get called over for medical issues—

ASHI: Hey hey! No need to out me like that…!

EPEL: Heh, sorry Ashi. Was I right, at least?

ASHI: Hmm… yeah! Not right on the nose, though.

ASHI: I think that if I were to be in a dorm… I’d pick Pomefiore.

EPEL: I didn’t really consider it, but I could see it now that you say it. The uniform would fit you, I think.

ASHI: Yeah! And we’d get to be twinsies!

ASHI: Ashi-Eppy, the Birthday swapped duo! 5/6 and 6/5! ☆

EPEL: Heheh. You’d definitely be a shine of sunlight in here. It would be fun to hang out with you at Pomefiore.

EPEL: But you don’t use makeup, don’t you? That’d be a sure-fire way to stand out.

ASHI: Yeah, that’s be the only downside…

ASHI: And the food, right?! It looks so… appetizer-core. Defo not up my alley, I couldn’t imagine…

ASHI: But Vil and Rook are cool! At least at Pomefiore, I know there’s people that can help accommodate me and make sure I’m happy and healthy!

ASHI: Maybe instead of a potato, I can became a French fry… Sounds kinda banger, don’t you think?

EPEL: You make a funny argument.

ASHI: Life at Ramshackle can get kinda stressful, you know! I love the ghosts and all, but it’s scary sometimes…

ASHI: Grimmy thinks it’s funny to prank me, and he’ll just graze over my legs as I’m sleeping, and it’s so freaky!

ASHI: Dunno, man… It’d be nice to see him get some karma and have to keep it all up-tight at Pomefiore.

ASHI: But I guess at the end of the day, the thing that I’m missing at my dorm is the constant hustle and bustle.

EPEL: People would kill for that, you know.

ASHI: Also true~.

ASHI: Well, there’s no silence you can’t fix with a simple hangout! I can always count on you to make Ramshackle a little more lively, right Eppy?

EPEL: That’s right! The Ashi— Eh… Eppy duo can reign at Ramshackle!

ASHI: Darn right, hahaha!

-

ASHI: D’aww, is it already the end of the interview…?

EPEL: Yep. It’s ‘round time for yer good-luck gift!

ASHI: Wow, hometown-Eppy makes a comeback?! That doesn’t sound good for me at all—!

EPEL: Trust me, yer gonna wanna brace yerself. ‘Cause I ain’t goin’ easy on ya, even if you are a girl!

ASHI: Oh boy… Guess I shouldn’t hold back either, huh?

ASHI: …Pfft! KK, bring it on!~

EPEL: Prepare yerself!

EPEL: Happy Birthday, Ashi!

-

CARD: UNLOCKED!

GROOVY: UNLOCKED!

[ashen-char]

dating river - hcs (pt 2!)

ship: river (all souls) x gender neutral reader

warnings: bit of swearin

notes: since the last one was so focused on river as a mom and how you slot into her little family, enjoy some more general hcs about your relationship. requested here

✦ river hates grand gestures. she just doesn't know how to deal with them, she's not really a romantic

✧ the tiny things you do always surprise and elate her though

✧ a simple handwritten note, a surprise cup of coffee, buying snacks or Monster for her without being asked

✧ she likes that you think of her when you're out, though she does tease you for being so fucking cheesy

✦ if you asked, river would say she loves your sense of humour

✧ the fact that you can make her smile on the toughest days is why she just couldn't help falling for you

✦ protective

✧ if anyone messes with you, they'd better watch out because river would deck a motherfucker for ya

✦ river initiates physical affection surprisingly often

✧ despite her tough, 'i don't need anyone' exterior, river craves physical closeness and intimacy with you

✧ she likes to use touch as a way to express her care in a tangible way

✧ sometimes she just needs a hug to recharge after a bad day

✧ you can feel river smiling into your kiss. she thinks you can't hear it but you always catch a little "god i love you"

✦ river always sings. you wonder if she notices she does it so often

✧ usually it's a lullaby, but occasionally you'll catch river vibing to some top 40 even though she swears she doesn't listen to it

✦ with her never being in a proper relationship, she always prefaces whatever she does for you with a "ok so i didn't know what to do but"

✧ and yet everything she's attempted has been the best ever!

✦ river doesn't do a lot for herself! anything extra in her paycheck (i.e. whatever didn't need to be put towards bills or the week's groceries) she used to buy toys and clothes for her daughter

✧ so you were surprised when river took some of her hard-earned cash to give you gifts too

✧ river struggles to accept thanks for 'em, even when they're so sweet and thoughtful and river clearly put a lot of effort into getting things she knew you needed or would love

✧ river hides her smile and stuffs her hands into her hoodie, shrugging. "yeah whatever, don't say i never do anything for ya"

✧ and she is AWFUL at accepting compliments

✧ whatever she doesn't bat away with "you're just saying that", she'd go completely still and blush hard. she tends to brush them off or respond with a joke

✧ hates being called cute. don't try it.

✦ she lets you steal her hoodies

✧ when she noticed how much you love 'em, river even bought some just for you and pretended she was going to keep them

✧ she sprayed these with extra perfume so you can keep that river scent a little longer

✦ when she's out, she likes to take random pictures of things that remind her of you and you've never felt so seen

✦ with her busy schedule, river sets aside dedicated time to spend with you, free from distractions and interruptions, notifications from cops be damned

✦ river plans awesome dates. they're the perfect blend of fun and being able to talk and be together

✧ she shows you how to tag, showing you hidden spots where you can make beautiful art together

✧ she takes you to the tattoo parlour and lets you choose her next one. river swears she's tough but it hurts less when she's holding your hand, ok?

✧ she'll cook you home cooked meals. she asks you questions about what you loved to eat growing up, surprising you by already knowing how to cook it the next time you come over because she stayed up researching it

✧ she knows the best spots in the city and loves showing them to you. she knows the city like it's the back of her hand

✧ like making notes on her phone of what you'd enjoy, writing all her ideas about where to go next

✦ she was surprised when you slowed the relationship down and told her that you'd be ok with not sleeping together so soon

✧ river had this long lasting thought that people only liked her if she did stuff for them - be that favours for friends or spreading her legs

✧ so she couldn't understand how you claimed to like her without her 'doing anything' for you

✧ you had to very explicitly explain that her being around made you happy and that there was nothing else to it. she only understood when you asked her why she likes you, and river realised that there was no real reason either

✧ like, of course you two appreciate when you do things for each other. but those things should be done because you want to. because you care about each other. it's not the reverse - that people only care because they got something

✧ so you two waited before you got intimate. and every day that went by without affection having to escalate, river's trust that you wouldn't leave her built

✧ she doesn't completely get what you like about her. but river realises that she doesn't have to

✧ you like her, and she likes you, and that's all both of you need

✦ the fact that she has someone to depend on now means the world to her, and you know river would never take you for granted

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Hard to Shake (M, cold)

Woof, that was too long of a hiatus. I'm back with some Greyson sickfic! In this, Greyson has a one night stand and ends up 'running into' his hookup in a not-so-stellar way. This was a fun write, I'm feeling a little rusty after taking a couple months off writing but I hope you all like it. Please let me know what ya think, good, bad or indifferent! :)

CW: M snz, colds, contagion, coughing, some M/M romance but nothing above PG-13 lol. 5k words (it's a slow burn, shocker, I know)

Hard to Shake

The club was dark, humid, and loud as fuck - just the way he liked it.

“I’ll get us drinks,” Matt said, disappearing into the crowd to push towards the bar without waiting on Greyson’s response. Not that he would have stopped his counterpart; Matt had a boyfriend waiting for him at the end of this black hole of a night. Greyson, alternatively, was on the prowl for a bed, and someone to share it with.

They had begun the night at two pm, just an hour after brunch ended, since the only way to get a proper buzz on a Sunday was to start early as hell. Elijah had closed the restaurant early – “We’ve had ten guests all day. It’s too damn hot for brunch, and I want to go home” – and Mark was currently on a plane home from England after a week spent with family; it was like the universe was begging them to go out.

The restaurant’s reservations had been capped at a tiny number the next two days to prepare for their food writer dinner on Wednesday, and Greyson was so nervous about this career-shaping dinner that he could barely keep himself from lapsing into panic attacks at the slightest provocation; it was Matt who insisted on the bender.

“We haven’t gone on a good one since Mark and I got together,” the sous chef had said after service. “And you need a drink, you're acting like a psycho.”

Greyson, never one to deny himself a good binge drink, had taken the bait and allowed himself to be paraded through the city for the rest of the day. Now, at eleven pm and with Mark back at his and Matt's place safe and sound, Greyson could feel the night coming to a close. Time to round it out with a good old-fashioned one-night-stand.

Without waiting for Matt to return with the drinks, Greyson sashayed onto the dance floor and began grinding on whoever seemed the most into it – he ground on a group of drunk men, twirled between two gorgeous women who laughed giddily through the song, and put his tongue into so many people’s mouths that he lost count. Of course it was fun; it always was. But the hunt for a bed partner had proven, thus far, unsuccessful.

“There you are,” Matt slurred, coming up behind his boss and shoving a whiskey into his hand. “Why do you always run off? I’m about three seconds away from getting you one of those toddler-leash backpacks.”

“Makin’ friends, Matty boy,” Greyson said, chugging his drink and slamming the glass onto the closest table he could find. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of goin’ home to a warm, naked man in our bed.” Greyson elbowed Matt playfully and the younger man rolled his eyes.

“Fair ‘nough,” he said, sipping his drink. “Hey, actually, I saw someone who was exactly your type back near the bar. Talkin’ about food and everything.” Greyson raised his eyebrows, intrigued, and Matt looped his arm into his boss’s and led him back towards the horseshoe-shaped bar. “Let’s see if we can’t get you fucked to sleep.”

Matt pushed the two of them through the crowd, his head on a swivel, until finally he spotted the man he’d been talking about. “There he is,” Matt said, pushing Greyson towards the bar. “Do your thing.”

The sous hadn’t lied; this man was quintessential Greyson’s type. Shorter than his six-foot-three-inches by about half a foot, perfect skin, hair coiffed in a way that just smelled of total pretentious douchebag, and a full blazer and dress pants at the club. Oh yeah, Greyson thought, pulling the elastic out of his sandy curls and shaking them to fall around his shoulders, there’s the rest of my evening.

“Hi,” Greyson said, pushing himself in front of whoever the guy had been talking to before. “Can I buy you a drink?”

***

In his defense, he hadn't known the condition of the man he'd left with until they got to his apartment. The club had been dark; he could barely hear the sound of his own voice, let alone the wheeze of someone else’s. And he’d been really, really drunk.

“Hh-! EISHH-oo! ISHH-oo!” The man – Reed, Greyson had learned his name was – curled into his elbow to sneeze as he pushed open the door to his apartment. “Shit, pardon mbe,” he muttered, clearing his throat and beckoning Greyson in. The chef, blasted as he was, simply ignored Reed’s constant sneezing.

“Now, where were we?” Greyson purred, pawing the back of Reed’s head and pulling it into his own. The two stood in the entry of Reed’s apartment – a truly incredible fifteenth-story one-bedroom in the Upper East Side with its own doorman – making out until Reed had to pull away to catch his breath.

“Shit,” he said again, panting, “sorry. Thought the worst of this fuckin’ cold was behind mbe but – ISHHOO! Snrf. Apparently ndot.” He wiped his nose on the back of his hand and cringed. “I understand if you don’t want to stay,” he said, giving Greyson an apologetic look.

Greyson remained unfettered. “Reed,” he said, taking a step back towards the other man. “Stop talking. And get in bed.”

Reed’s face colored. He opened his mouth to say something, but Greyson cut him off with another kiss.

“What did I just say?” Greyson asked, taking off his t-shirt and unbuttoning Reed’s expensive-looking button down. “Get in the bed -” - he yanked the shirt off the smaller man and licked him, navel to collar bone, prompting a moan - “- and let me take care of you.”

To his credit, Reed did as he was told. He did as he was told all night long.

***

“Lij, I don’t want to alarm you.”

“Greyson, I don’t want to hear it. Zip it. I’m being so serious right now.”

“I don’t want to alarm you,” Greyson repeated, slamming the rest of the bottle of Pedialyte and holding onto the prep table as if for dear life, “but I think I may be dying. I think I may need you to call me an ambulance.”

Elijah swung his chair around and strode towards the chef. He took the sunglasses Greyson had placed on his face the moment he walked inside the bright kitchen and tossed them across the room. He regarded the chef with an annoyance usually reserved for parents of crying toddlers at Disneyland.

“Your drinking antics, Grey, are what most people would describe as ‘a you problem’. You decide to get unreasonably wasted and then come in to prep one of the biggest dinners of your career? That’s a you problem. I don’t want to hear it. The only thing I want to hear is your knife going into and out of different types of food.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to hear about the incredibly hot guy I hooked up with last night?” Greyson asked, a smile blooming at his lips. Elijah, despite himself, felt his eyebrows raise halfway up his face.

“But you haven’t slept with anyone in months,” he said, annoyed at himself for taking the bait but too curious to stop himself from saying anything. “I thought you were on a self-imposed time-out?”

Greyson shrugged, pushed his hair into a bun at the top of his head, and secured it with an elastic. “I was,” he said. “But - and you’re not going to believe this, but it’s true – I am finally feeling… I dunno. Healed?”

“Healed?” Elijah asked, snorting. “I think you’ve been taking too many hot yoga classes. Like, spiritually healed?”

Greyson tipped his head back and forth, considering. “Kind of,” he said. “Like… ready. Moved on from Collin. Prepared to get back out there for real, not in a self-punishing way.”

Elijah whistled, long and low. “Wow,” he said, patting Greyson’s back. “Well, congrats, man. A little over a year and you’re finally back on your feet. That’s actually quite impressive.”

“Thanks,” Greyson laughed, shoving Elijah playfully. “I was also really drunk and you know nothing stops drunk-Greyson when he decides he’s going to sleep with someone.”

“There it is,” Elijah said, rolling his eyes and laughing. “So… tell me about him. Did you get his name?”

Greyson dead-panned his boss as he pulled knives out of his bag and cracked his neck. “Yes, I got his name, Elijah. That’s what healed people do, they get people’s names before sleeping with them, and I am, as previously stated, healed.”

Elijah flipped the chef off lazily, non-committal. “Well, out with it then,” he said. “What’s his name? Tell me about the night.”

“His name is Reed Parker, and we fucked til the sun came out,” Greyson said simply, laughing at his own gregariousness. He looked up when he realized that Elijah wasn’t laughing – in fact, his face had gone stark-white. “What?”

“Reed Parker?” Elijah asked, pulling out his phone. “You’re sure that’s his name?”

“Umm, according to him at least, yeah,” Greyson said, unwrapping a pan with a cleaned striploin in it. “Why, do you know him?”

“No,” Elijah said, pushing his phone towards Greyson. “But if that’s him, we’re going to know him in two days.”

Greyson looked down at the phone and felt the wave of nausea he’d been holding back all morning wash over him – oh. Oh, no.

Pulled up on Elijah’s phone was an Instagram post from The Foodie Society – a group of well-acclaimed food critics and writers in the city. The group that was hosting a dinner at Elliot’s in two days. The group that would likely be the deciding factor in whether Greyson got nominated for a James Beard award this year.

We are so excited to announce Reed Parker, writer of the extremely popular food blog, ‘Eat Like You Mean It’, as our newest Foodie Society member! Reed has been a prolific writer and food critic in the city for nearly five years, and we are so delighted to have him aboard. Can’t wait to collaborate with you, Reed!

Above the blurb was a photo of – undoubtedly – the man that Greyson had slept with the night before. He looked markedly healthier in the photo, and his hair was a little longer, but there wasn’t any was it wasn’t him. Greyson swallowed hard.

“Oh… shit,” Greyson muttered, lowering himself to the floor. “Oh, no.”

“Maybe he was drunk, too?” Elijah said, the panic clear in his voice. “Maybe he won’t remember?” Elijah kneeled down next to Greyson, trying to console him. “Hey, Grey, it’s alright. Obviously you guys didn’t know who the other one was. It’s not like he’s going to think you slept with him to get the nomination. It was just drunk sex. Right?”

“He gave me an out,” Greyson muttered, shaking his head. He looked up at Elijah, eyes wild. “Maybe he did know, or maybe he figured it out on the walk back to his place, because he gave me a fuckin’ out.”

“What do you mean?” Elijah asked, pulling Greyson back to his feet. The chef stood, but placed his head in his hands and his elbows on the prep table, as if to steady himself.

“He was getting over some sort of sickness, and he said he’d understand if I didn’t want to stay. He basically told me to get out and I just… fuck. I told him I didn’t care, and I stayed the night. Shit. I’m never going to get nominated now. There’s no fucking way.” Greyson rubbed both hands down his face and shook his head in disbelief. “I fucked myself.”

“Greyson,” Elijah said, taking his friend’s chin and lifting it so their eyes met. “You didn’t fuck yourself. Okay? He didn’t know it was you. It was a mistake, and also he’s brand new there, it’s not like he’s THE deciding factor. Just – wait, did you say he was sick?”

Greyson, his chin still in Elijah’s fingers, looked away from his boss with just his eyes. “Uhh… I mean, yeah, kind of, I guess. He had some sort of cold, I think.”

“You purposely slept with someone who was sick three days before this huge dinner?”

“Umm… did I mention I was really drunk?”

Elijah sighed loudly and threw his hands in the air. “Never a dull fuckin’ moment with you, is there?” he mumbled, storming into the office and pillaging through their medicine cabinet. He returned a moment later with Emergen-C and Airborne in his hands. “Take those.”

“Yes, sir,” Greyson muttered, pulling them to his side of the table. “Sorry.”

“I think it’s crazy that out of all the millions of people you probably saw yesterday, the one you just so happened to pick is a food writer who could decide your future fate who also had a fucking cold. There wasn’t a single other person in the city you could sleep with?”

“Apparently not,” Greyson muttered, pouring Emergen-C into his water bottle. Elijah took a deep breath before continuing.

“Let’s just… let’s try to get through the next couple days,” he said, heading back to the office. “I am glad you want to get back out there,” he continued from afar, “just maybe give them a cursory Google before you bang them next time. Okay?”

Greyson, completely deflated, just nodded. He swallowed and thought he could already feel a twinge of a sore throat, which would just figure. His dick had sealed his fate. Fuck.

***

Tuesday, May 12

NEW MESSAGE

Matt

3:53pm

r u almost back??? idk how much longer I can handle them at each others throats.

Mark

3:58pm

On my way back now! Are they at each other’s throats again?? I thought they were over it..

Matt

3:59pm

has elijah ever REALLY been over smthn..? & greyson’s going down fast af so hes pissy.

Mark

4:02pm

It seemed like he was in the downward slide when I left...ugh. ok, I’ll be back in 15!

“We are ndot,” Greyson said from behind his sous chef, “at each other’s throats.”

Matt jumped at the sound of his boss’s voice and quickly clicked his phone screen off. “Don’t read my private texts, Chef, that’s rude.”

Greyson shrugged and pulled a tissue out of the box on the desk next to Matt. “Don’t talk shit about your boss and you don’t have to worry about mbe being ruuhh – huh! Hh...IGTSZHH-ue! Hh-NTSHZH-ue!” Greyson crumpled into the jacket he’d pulled over his chef’s coat to sneeze. His hair fell over his face, blocking the grimace he hid as he sucked in through his nose.

“Bless you, moron,” Elijah called from the dining room. Greyson rolled his eyes so hard he felt it splinter in his head. Matt winced when he saw Greyson shudder with pain, and stood from the desk.

“The prep sheets for tomorrow are all written, Chef, tell me how I can help you,” he said, guiding Greyson into the chair. Greyson allowed himself to be sat down, despite his better judgment.

“I feel pretty good about -”

“You feel pretty good? Is that a joke?” Elijah asked, pushing through the swinging kitchen doors and leaning on the office door frame. Greyson gave his boss the dirtiest look he could muster and turned back to Matt without a word to his boss.

“I feel confident about the first three courses for tomborrow’s dinner, but the steak and dessert I feel like we’re way behind. Plus I have ndo idea how the guys are looking for service tondight, so pick which one of those you’d rather tackle and I’ll – hhuh! Hh...HUHESTZHH-ue! Fuck, snrf.” Greyson grabbed another tissue and blew his nose before finishing. “I’ll do the other onde.”

Matt nodded while Elijah stood wordlessly in the doorway. “I’ll get with the guys and help them with tonight, make sure it goes smooth,” he said. Greyson nodded back and his sous looked away and scurried towards the line. Elijah, in stark contrast, pushed past Greyson and sat at the other end of their shared desk, unwilling to look away from the mess that was the executive chef.

“How ya feeling?” he asked finally. Greyson pulled another tissue out of the box just in time.

“HRTSHH-ue!” he sneezed into the tissue and let a tickling flurry of coughs escape as well. Elijah sighed, looked into the kitchen, and reached past Greyson to shut the door to their office.

“How are you feeling,” he asked again. “Seriously.”

Greyson sighed wheezily and pulled a hand down his face. “Honestly?” he said, looking Elijah in the eye, “like fuckin’ shit.”

Elijah sighed as well. “You seemed okay when you came in this morning,” he said, as though it mattered.

“I felt okay this mborning,” Greyson admitted. “I mean, I felt like it was coming but I definitely didn’t feel this… shitty.” He shrugged. “It just… I don’t kndow. Hit mbe out of nowhere.”

Elijah nodded. “I mean, if you want to leave so you’re good for tomorrow, you know I’ll understand.” Greyson just scoffed.

“I have so mbuch shit to do before tomborrow,” he said, sucking in through his nose and coughing again. “There’s ndo way in hell.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Elijah sighed. “Fuck, Greyson. I’m really sorry.” He looked up at his friend, the true pity evident on his face. “I know how important this dinner is to you. It’s still going to be great, okay? If you need to par it down, do it. It’s not like they know what’s on the menu til tomorrow. I’m cutting off reservations tonight so you can go home early, okay? We’re going to make this work.”

Greyson had to set his jaw to keep from tearing up. “It’s mby own damn fault,” he said. “Ndo need to baby mbe – hh...HTSHH-ue! HRTSHH! NTSHH! Huh! Huhhh-ETSZHHH-uee!” Greyson collapsed into his own lap, lapsed into coughs again. Elijah handed him a water bottle, which he took the cap off of while wiping his nose with the other hand.

“Can we go back to you being a dick to mbe?” Greyson asked, his voice rough. “That I can handle.”

Elijah pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “Sure, Chef. Get your lazy ass up and start prepping,” he joked, pushing Greyson’s arm lightly. “Sitting is for the weak.”

Greyson smirked, an attempt at a laugh that wouldn’t make him cough. “Thanks, Lij,” he said. “Let’s get this stupid fuckigg show on the road.”

***

Course One

Compressed Cantaloupe

tarragon | smoked sea salt | brown butter crumble

Reed sat in the cushy, velvet chair and attempted to make himself comfortable. He hoped beyond hope that this dinner would go as quickly as humanly possible.

After their little rendevouz at the club, of course Reed had looked Greyson up; in this day and age, who wouldn’t look up their previous night’s partner, if only to make sure they weren’t some sort of psycho killer. And after he looked him up, of course he realized that oh. It was that Greyson Abbott. The same one whose food he was about to be poised in front of. The one who he and his fellow writers gathered around this table were tasked with deciding whether or not he was worthy of a Beard nod.

Of course.

Reed shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. The other writers had started talking immediately and, this being his first dinner with them, he was feeling awkward and left out. He really could have used the distraction of talking about their craft, but apparently he would have to earn a word tossed in his direction. This was going to be a long evening.

At least the restaurant is beautiful, Reed thought to himself. He’d never been to Elliot’s before, and now he was kicking himself for it. The wrap-around bar, the view of the park, the chandeliers… everything was gorgeous. He just wished he wasn’t here with these people, under the circumstance that his fling was in the kitchen plating up. That put a bit of a damper on things.

“Good evening,” a husky voice came from the head of the table, and Reed whipped his head to see a gorgeous plate of food placed in front of him, and the absolute god of a man he’d slept with a few days before standing just feet from him. Reed swallowed hard.

“I’mb Greyson,” Greyson said, and Reed immediately clocked the congestion in his voice. So you did give him that cold. Asshole, Reed chided himself. Greyson attempted to clear his throat before continuing.

“If you’ll excuse mby voice, I’mb at the tail end of a cold,” he continued, and Reed felt his face flame. Tail end, he thought. Yeah, sure.

“Our first course is compressed cantaloupe,” Greyson said. “I hope you enjoy. Pardon mbe, I have to get back to screaming at mby cooks.”

The group laughed in earnest as the chef walked away. Reed, too embarrassed to even look at the other writers, just picked up his fork and gathered a bite on it. He stuck it in his mouth and closed his eyes.

Christ, Reed thought, he cooks as well as he fucks.

Course Two

Hamachi

yuzu pearls | grapefruit | coconut crème

“I swear to God, Mbatt, what is goigg on?” Greyson yelled the moment he walked back into the kitchen. “We’re already behind, and none of the hamachi is on the plates yet? Can we please get it the fuck together che – ehh! HhITSZHH-uh! HRITSZHH-ue!”

Greyson yanked his chef’s coat over his nose and mouth and ducked away from the plates. The cooks called, “Bless, Chef,” and Elijah came up behind him with Sudafed – “The good shit, from behind the pharmacist counter,” he’d promised Greyson earlier, when he made an emergency trip to Walgreens for medicine – and popped two into his hand.

“I just took two,” Greyson croaked, sucking in through his nose.

“Well, it sounds like they’ve already worn off,” Elijah countered. Greyson swallowed the pills and coughed. “Is he out there?”

“Of course he’s out there, Lij, did you think he’d cancel because of mbe?” Greyson said, washing his hands and heading towards the pass to place hamachi on plates. “Like you said, hopefully he doesn’t remember.”

“Hard to forget a giant, loud, blonde buffoon who’s sporting the cold you just got over,” Elijah murmured, and Greyson flipped him off. “Just saying,” Elijah said.

“I don’t have timbe to think about him,” Greyson said, swallowing painfully. “I can’t think about anything but this.”

Elijah nodded. “You’re right,” he said. “Let me jump in with the pearls.”

Course Three

Lamb Lollipop

harissa | mint chutney | bbq ‘chip’

“Pretty incredible, right?”

These were the first words uttered to Reed all night, said moments after the third course was placed in front of him and seconds after Greyson disappeared back into the kitchen. Reed could see him dip into an elbow to sneeze before he made it back to the kitchen. He cringed; poor guy. This was all his fault.

“Reed?”

The writer who’d spoken to him waved a hand in front of his face to snap him out of his stupor. Reed pulled his head back to the table and smiled. “Really incredible,” he said. “I mean, this guy has talent.”

“For sure,” the other writer said. “I mean, he’s been hoping for a Beard nod for years.”

“Yeah?” Reed asked, hungry for any bit of lore he could get about Greyson. The other writer dug into his lamb as he nodded.

“About five years,” he said. “The menu is deemed as one of the best in the city, and he changes it every single day. I mean, the guy’s an animal.”

Reed nodded slowly. He could only imagine how hard Greyson had worked, how nervous he was, especially with Reed's stupid ass sitting here to judge him. Especially when Greyson was sick as a dog.

“That he is,” Reed said, and he took another incredible bite.

Course Four

Rutabaga Tart

fennel | feta | cured egg yolk

“Matt can put these on the plates, Chef,” Elijah said, putting a hand on Greyson’s back. “Take a quick break before you have to talk to them again. Drink some water. Blow your nose.”

Greyson shook his head, pushed the flop sweat off his forehead. “This is mby shot. These are mby plates,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “I’mb here until the end.”

Elijah pressed his lips together and flashed Matt a look. The sous chef just raised his eyebrows and gave a little shrug. Once Greyson was like this… well, there was certainly no arguing with him.

“Okay,” Elijah said. “I’ll make you some tea, then.”

“Thank you, Lij,” Greyson managed, before ducking under the pass to sneeze into the collar of his chef’s coat. “God, fuck, I’mb gonna have to throw this thing away after this.”

“More like burn it,” Matt countered, prompting the first laugh from Greyson all evening.

“Burn it is right,” Greyson said. “HHITSZHH-ue!”

Course Five

Striploin

deconstructed bearnaise | white asparagus | duxelle

The fifth course was placed in front of them, and the writers looked up expectantly at Greyson.

“Forgive mbe,” Greyson said, his voice strained to a whisper. “I’ve yelled mbyself out in the kitchen, so mby number-two will introduce your last two courses.”

The writers tutted or laughed and looked over towards the sous chef – everyone except Reed. Reed was staring at Greyson, hoping he could hear his thoughts. I’m sorry you’re sick. I’m sorry I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

The sous finished the description and the writers began to eat once again. Reed was sure he could hear the younger chef say to Greyson, “Just one more, Chef,” as they walked back to the kitchen.

Reed sighed and took a bite of his steak. He closed his eyes; perfection.

He did not deserve to be here.

Course Six

Matcha Milk Bombe

coffee | pastry crumb

Greyson placed the final pastry onto the final plate and turned away to cough as the servers brought his final plate of food to the critics. He felt like he was attending his own funeral.

“I don’t think I can go out there again, Lij,” Greyson said, shaking his head and crouching down on the ground. “I can’t look at all of themb, I’ve embarrassed myself enough.”

“You haven’t embarrassed yourself at all, Grey,” Elijah promised, pushing Greyson’s sweaty hair out of his face. “But I understand if you’re too exhausted. I’ll go out for the last one, thank them all for being here.”

“Please,” Greyson said. Elijah nodded, stood, and left the kitchen to meet the writers, while Matt nodded towards the office.

“Go,” he said to his boss. “Sit. You did it.”

Greyson shook his head. “Gotta clean mbyself up first,” he said, standing and moving towards the kitchen doors. “I’mb using the damn guest bathroom, fuck those pretentious assholes.”

Matt laughed in earnest. “You’ve earned it for sure, Chef.”

Greyson slipped into the guest bathroom, hoping no one saw him, and locked himself in a stall. Finally, he sat down and let himself go.

“HITSHH-ue!” Greyson sneezed into the open, then quickly grabbed a handful of toilet paper to keep from becoming the restaurant’s biggest biohazard. “HTTSHH! IIITZSCHUE! Huh! Hh…. huh, huhhh… huhhETSZHHH-ue! Huh! HRRRSHHH! Fuuuck mbe.” Greyson blew his nose, beyond exhaustion. He felt like shit. He knew he looked like shit. He’d put out shit food, he’d been in a shit mood… this whole thing was just… shit.

Finally, feeling a little more cleared out, Greyson flushed the toilet paper and unlocked the stall. When he exited, he nearly jumped out of his skin. There, in the doorway, was his fling - Reed.

“Jesus,” Greyson said, placing a hand on his chest. “Give a guy a fuckin’ heart attack.”

Reed shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, then let Greyson by to wash his hands. “Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to scare you. Bless you. By the way.”

Greyson huffed out a laugh. “Thangks,” he said, drying his hands. “Sombe cold you’re passing around town. Shouldn’t you be finishing your meal? Or was it so bad you’re here to hock it back up?”

“It was incredible,” Reed said earnestly. “Truly, Greyson. Thank you. I… I’m sorry. For being here, for getting you sick, I – I didn’t know that this place was… um… yours.”

“Mmm, more Elijah’s than mbine,” Greyson mumbled, looking away from Reed’s face. “But, uh… thank you. Glad you enjoyed. Hopefully it's ndot for nothing.”

"I don't think it will be. They all had nothing but good things to say. I'm just the grunt, but I mean...you have my vote. You're... You're incredible," Reed said, the words escaping his mouth before he could even consider what he was saying.

Greyson tried to hide a small smile by looking down. They both stood awkwardly until Greyson cleared his throat. “I, uh… better get back to mby guys,” he said, starting towards the door.

“I had an amazing time the other night,” Reed blurted out suddenly. “I, um… I haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually.”

Greyson smirked, the tension finally broken. “Yeah?” he asked. Reed nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “You’re… you’re hard to shake.”

Greyson took a step closer to Reed, looking him in the eye now. He sniffled, rubbed his nose, and crossed his arms, a smile dancing on his lips. “Who are you, Reed Parker?” he asked. Reed’s face flushed bright red.

“I – I don’t know what you mean. I’m a food writer.”

“Mmm,” Greyson nodded. “Well, Reed the food writer who can’t get mbe out of his mind, at the moment I’m a bit, uh… incapacitated. But,” Greyson pulled a Sharpie out of his coat’s side pocket and grabbed Reed’s hand, “if I’m still rattling around in your brain in a few days… give mbe a call.” Greyson coughed into his shoulder, capped the Sharpie, and gave Reed a little smile.

“I will,” Reed said, biting his cheek. “Thank you. For, um… dinner.”

Greyson paused, thinking, then took a bold step towards Reed, grabbed his chin in his hand, and planted a deep kiss on his lips. “It was my pleasure,” he said, and stepped out of the room.

Reed stood, flushed and breathless, for a moment. The kiss sat, swelling his lips, sweeter than any dessert he’d ever had; he looked at the number on his hand, felt his heart catch in his throat.

Greyson Abbott, he thought, looking towards the bathroom door. Holy shit.

[tumblingxelian]

Oh, I just had a thought: What if the Joker ALSO died in the warehouse explosion that killed Jason?

Jason comes back as in canon, but the Joker is gone.

I think he'd be a lot more chill in genera. There's no real betrayal of expectations here the way there would be if Joker died on accident some other way.

Jason would probably just go home, be poked and prodded tll they were sure and then bang boom how do ya do the family's back together.

Well, except for the fact the new Robin is a mouthy little shit who clearly thinks Jason is a stupid thug. & Bruce has become a hyper controlling paranoid asshole to everyone around him, especially the new girl, Spoiler was it? Alfred's classism is way more overt in how he blatantly favors Tim. Barbra seems to be doing well and Dick is cool, so that's nic-

Oh no there's been an earthquake and Gotham is all fucked up and everything has gone to hell in a handbasket.

The cops are even more blatantly a gang than ever, people are dying and starving the US told them to go hang. Bruce is either there being worse than ever or away & Jason is trying to fill the Batman suit but he is not yet six point two feet tall

Also that courier (Cassandra) Barbara hired seems terrifyingly skilled, like what the hell?

So yeah, honestly not sure of the specifics, but I think in this case the vibe would be a case where Jason came back right but almost everyone else is wrong and thinks he's wrong, and remembers him wrong and its not a fun time and then there's an earthquake.

[bellaxgiornata]

OMG—I wanna ask the boys for sure—what is their inner animal (respectively) that THEY think they have versus what you think for them, vs what they would assign for each other???

🤣🤣🤣

#letthechaosbegin

If you wanted chaos with this internal dialogue, you certainly found it 😅 The moment I read this ask, two of the boys immediately started causing trouble which is why it took a bit to get this answered 😆 As always, it's below the cut because this was long.

Bella: Welcome back to another round of ASK THE BOYS!!

Matt, muttering under his breath: Always got to yell that now, don't you?

Frank, roughly elbowing Matt on the couch: Let the lady have her fun, would ya?

Michael, ignoring the pair beside him: What's the question this time, pet?

Bella, glancing down at her phone: Looks like a multi-part question dealing with what your inner animals are.

Frank, eyes narrowing: Inner animal?

Bella: Yeah, and it looks like they want to know what I think each of you are, what you think your inner animal is, and then what you think each others’ inner animal is.

Frank, chuckling to himself: This'll be good.

Michael: Why don't ya start us off then, pet? Might need a minute to think.

Bella: Okay, well. I guess for Frank I'd say timber wolf. The Punisher gives me lone wolf vibes, but before that you used to be a part of a pack–whether it was your family or your Marine unit. And timber wolves typically mate for life, too, which screams loyal to me. I think you're a pretty loyal person–and pretty damn terrifying if someone messes with those you care about. So yeah. Wolf vibes all around.

Frank, nodding: Alright. Guess I can see that.

Bella: And for Matt, since he gives cat vibes, I'd say a leopard. Specifically a black panther. They're solitary animals, very territorial, and they're great climbers. Sort of like how you work alone, defend Hell’s Kitchen specifically despite it being such a small area, and you climb buildings like nobody's business. Plus, you know, the black suit and all.

Matt, grinning: Better than what I thought you'd pick.

Bella: And as for Mikey, well, I get grizzly bear vibes.

Michael, rolling his eyes: Is this a reference to the beard and chest hair again?

Bella, shaking her head: Not exactly, though now that you mention it–

Michael, mumbling: Figures…

Bella: No, wait! Hear me out. Grizzly bears are actually not aggressive unless provoked or caught off guard, otherwise they kind of mind their own business and want to be left alone. But obviously they'll protect their young and would savagely tear you apart if you fucked with them. I mean, we all know you don't want to be the killer your family forces you to be, you'd rather get out and live a quiet life. You just want a relationship with your daughter, Anna. But if anyone messed with her, you'd absolutely kill them without a second thought.

[Michael, running a hand across his mouth and humming thoughtfully.]

Bella, gently nudging his leg with a foot: See? There was a reason besides your glorious chest hair.

Matt, brows furrowing together: Glorious chest hair? Did you just actually say that?

Bella, waving off his comment: Okay, so why don't you guys each say what you think your inner animal is before you choose for each other next?

Frank, shrugging: I like the wolf thing. I'll go with that.

Matt, nodding: Yeah, I think I'll stick with the panther idea you had.

Bella, frowning: Seriously? You aren't even going to give it any more thought? [Looking hopefully over at Michael.] Please tell me you're not just going to say grizzly bear now?

Michael, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck: Uh, no. I s'pose…a dog? Generally don't fight unless provoked and they're usually considered friendly?

Bella, releasing a sigh: Fine. At least you put in more effort than those two. Now what do you think each others’ inner animal is?

Frank, immediately tossing a thumb at Matt: Chimpanzee. He's always climbing on buildings and making too much noise with his mouth.

Matt, frowning: It's called talking, Frank.

Frank, leaning back into the couch: More like chimpanzee noises to me. And they're territorial, too.

Michael, quietly chiming in: I'd still say stray cat for him.

Matt, frowning: Well then Frank is a hippo. Large and incredibly aggressive.

Frank, turning and shooting Matt a dirty look: The fuck you call me?

[Bella, burying her face in her hands while Frank and Matt begin to bicker on the couch.]

Michael, once more quietly chiming in: I picture him as more of a hawk. Or an eagle. Kinda stalks his prey from a distance before takin’ his shot.

Bella, glancing up at him: Well thank you for making some level of effort here while the old married couple over there just fights.

Matt, glowering: We are not an old married couple!

Frank, scowling: He's the last goddamn person I'd wanna be shackled to.

Bella, annoyed: Can we get back on track? You still need to pick an animal for Mikey.

Matt and Frank simultaneously: Dog.

Bella, throwing her hands up in defeat: Wow, really making an effort, you two. Great job.

Frank, rounding on Matt again: Look what you did, Red. You went and upset her.

Matt, eyebrows rising up onto his forehead: Me? You're the one not taking her game seriously!

[Matt and Frank return to arguing.]

Bella, focusing on Michael: You want a coffee? Cause I could use a coffee. They're making my head hurt.

Michael, nodding and rising from the couch: Yes. I'd love one.

Bella, heading to the kitchen with Michael: So what would my inner animal be?

Michael, nervously making a face: Uh…well…

Bella, shaking her head: Nevermind. Forget I asked. Let's just make some coffee.

[uncannyalien]

(last seen at the tmnt au comp u _ u)

(Oh Stars my first au interaction! I hope you like it!!)

Jade leaned against a wall, keeping their back firmly pressed against the surface as she watched over the crowd.

There were so many. Turtles as far as they could see, with a few other strange creatures intermixed. Some looked familiar, covered in colorful stripes like the Mikey she knew and his family had, but others were…not as such. It was a sea of shades of green sprinkled with every other color like someone had dropped a bag of paint. Yet in their differences, they all fit together. They were all the same.

To say that the room was loud was an understatement. Hundreds of creatures huddled up and chatting amongst themselves, embracing each other saying how long it’s been, or completing introductions. While the ruckus was not in their mind but instead processed through her ears, it was simultaneously overwhelming and comforting. That was why she had retreated to the edge of the room.

“Oh wow, this is absolutely insane!” Mikey exclaimed by her side, the teen jumping as he smiled. Raph and Leo had disappeared into the crowd to search for Donnie who had vanished the moment he realized something called the ‘multiverse’.

“Are you excited, Jade?” Mikey asked, his scaly hands wrapped around their lower arm as he bounced. “There’s so many of us! And we get to hang out with them and talk to them and dance and sing with them?! This is so rad!”

Jade felt a pang of sadness. Mikey obviously wanted to melt into the swarm with his brothers but had chosen to stay with her. On the sidelines. Alone.

“You can go, Mikey,” They signed, finally. “Go have fun.” But the orange-masked turtle shook his head, frowning that they would suggest such a thing.

“I don’t wanna leave you. You just met my brothers yesterday and then we suddenly pop up here?” Mikey gestured to the throng. It appeared many turtles had begun pillaring atop one another’s shoulders and attempting to push the others off.

“This is a lot of action for ya and I wanna be here for you. It’ll probably calm down once the event actually starts, okay?” Jade only nodded in response, their top arms wrapping around her torso.

Is the noise the actual problem here? They thought.

But in the crowd, they spotted something.

A particularly noticeable turtle was wandering about, showing a piece of paper to those around with a frantic expression. The turtle observed her overlooking the colorful mass and began marching toward them. He looked eerily similar to Leo, but Jade’s eyes knew better. His wrappings were different, and his stripes were placed differently on his arms.

The turtle weaved through the crowd and stopped in front of the two of them, taking a moment to catch his breath. He was around the same height as the Leo they knew, but she still towered over him.

“Hey, excuse me,” The turtle said, lifting a piece of paper. “Have you seen this Donatello? Wears a tutu, has lil swan wings, extremely violent but like only 50% of the time?” The words streamed out of the turtle’s mouth in such a quick fashion that Jade was glad for her memory. But the words were all foreign to them.

“Hi!” Mikey chirped as he stared at the picture on the paper. “Are you another Leo? That’s so cool!” The Other Leo nodded and pointed to his sheet again.

“Yeah, welcome to the club, please have you seen my Donnie? He disappeared the moment we arrived!”

Mikey took a long look at the image of a pale-looking turtle, a strange collection of bunched fabric around his waist and his feet…pointing…? This planet was getting weirder the more they knew about it. Was Other Leo searching for this creature?

Mikey shook his head, the swooping tails of his mask fluttering.

“No, sorry. Can’t say I have. What about you, Jade?” He asked, looking up at her expectantly. Jade had no choice but to use the tried and true response.

“Confused.”

“Oh! Sorry, you don’t know a lot of those words yet. Have you seen them?” Mikey corrected as he pointed to the sheet of paper.

Other Leo raised the page higher up as Jade hunched over to get a better look. Even if she didn’t have the chip, there was no way they wouldn’t remember seeing such a strange being. Unfortunately, they hadn’t regardless.

Jade shook her head and signed their apologies, returning to her full height and careful to not have the points of her horns bonk into the wall.

Other Leo sighed and offered his thanks before fading into the colorful storm once again.

“I hope he finds his Donnie,” Mikey stated. “Though I doubt there’s many places he could’ve gone…”

Jade continued watching the swath and the sadness returned. Their tail curled around her leg.

Why was she feeling like this? They knew the rules, a mysterious voice kept repeating them that floated over the mass of green. They knew where the exit was thanks to the clear glowing sign above the doorway on the opposite end of the room. Raph and Leo had only left to find Donnie, and Mikey was right with them.

So why?

They were surrounded by individuals who were all weird and different like she was. There were hundreds of Mikeys, Donnies, Raphs, and Leos. A few Splinters, Shelldons, and some others they did not yet recognize.

Oh. That’s why.

This was just another reminder that there was only one of her.

Jade placed a hand on Mikey’s shoulder.

“Let’s go find that other Donnie.” She signed. “It’s not good to be alone.”

“That’s a great idea, Jade! The guys can find us later, let’s go find that Donnie!”

Remember Forever Masterpost

[demonicnarwhale]

So for my first project in my Proprint class, we had to make 5 separate prints (draw or photograph something then print it on a 17x22 paper, same thing as last semester) so here's my stuff!!! Oh! And the prompt was basically anything but monochromatic or black and white, but we can either use one or two colors

They're all based on my Small Town AU because I thought it'd help get my ideas for this AU thingy situated a bit, and cuz it's fun

The first one to start us all off is Doc Scratch! The one and only, the catalyst (if you will) of this small town turning to shit. It's basically him bringing a sort of day of reckoning thing going on. But not like reckoning in the idea that they're getting judged by god or whatever. In this case, Scratch himself just plays around in this universe (this is the "bad" ending). Basically, the townsfolk begin to turn and hurt each other (reasoning will be explained in the 2nd project tehee and the wording here is like this just so I don't spoil too much) (also the top is just the different edits I came across and thought looked pretty)

Motifs / Symbolisms:

- The time on the clock reads 3:19. So specifically Genesis 3:19 is pretty much just when Adam and Eve are cast out of the Garden of Eden. The idea here is that Scratch will turn this thriving and self sufficient, almost found-family-like town into a big ol' graveyard. That paradise they all have come to enjoy and build a community together? Buh-bye!!! Cast out! Into the miseries!!!

- The picture of the oil painting is of The Agnew Clinic 1889 painted by Thomas Eakins. The painting was commissioned in honor of David Hayes Agnew, a pretty well known and respected surgeon of his time, a leader in a way. And I just felt like Scratch would have some of these "lesser" known art pieces of important figures of the past around his house. (Die would approve of this painting I believe)

- The apples are purposefully way too round, almost Christmas tree ornament looking. It's to allude to this feeling or idea of something being too perfect, but very off putting. Basically Doc Scratch himself. He's a man that's a part of the town but also not there. He's a total enigma for everyone and most people will chose to just accept that and just be cordial with him, that placid and simple smile just has something deeper going on teehee

- The card he holds is a nod to tarot ones (obvious I know but I ain't no tarot or star signs believer so I had to search up which card would make sense here). So seven of swords just means betrayal so haha on the nose

- There was gonna be a violin added but I just wanted to get this drawing done so I said "screw that". The reason why I was gonna go with the violin is cuz that idea of "haha Scratch is another name for the devil" and I remembered a song The Devil Went Down to Georgia which I fuckin dig. Also the idea of the devil having a violin playing contest with a kid is so fucking funny cuz he got his ass kicked. (oh yeah and just the idea of the devil being associated with the violin)

So yeah! I just had a lot of fun just coming up with this drawing and doing a little breaking the frame/boarder with the small apple branches reaching into the top box.

What can I say? I love marine associated themes so of course I gotta draw Trace and Fin. Oh and the sketches (or draft) I did just made me feel so proud and happy. Cuz even though it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo, it all just managed to flow out really well with this one. It's a shame that the digitalized final piece isn't as impressive to me as my sketches. The two compasses are also pointed at 3:00 and 5:00 cuz, ya know. That's their numbers. The fish from bottom to top are sockeye salmon, moray eel, tunas, and I didn't look at one fish for the ref with the top one but let's go with red snapper.

i sadly had to rush this one as it was getting close to critique day (aka the 26th) and some of my other classmates needed to print too so I didn't want to get in their way and such later on. (originally we had to make 5 prints but he saw not a lot of people would be able to so he cut it down to just 3. And so I already had 3 prints done so why not just let everyone else who really needed to print, print)

So this print was going to have PM, AR, and WV doing their own things (as seen in the first draft) but I changed things up so it'd be simpler and allow me to work on the last 2 prints. But hey! At least WV's there!! And then I was messing with shadows and the last one just looked really funny. OH! Oh and the 2422 was when PM made her appearance in the webcomics (at least, that's what I think or recall) and since that's her plane, it was a little nod. And this is her logo thing (still being worked on but you get the gist of it)

I do however feel hella bummed that I wasn't able to keep the mechanic tidbits (for AR) in this drawing since I hate drawing cars, the tools I tried drawing didn't fit the look of the finalized drawing. I'm sorry AR </3. Oh and I completely forgot about WV's lil torn up red flag, but it wouldn't really match i feel anyways in the end results. WV being a farmer, PM a mail woman hence the stamps, and AR being a (car) mechanic!!!

Ok so that's all for now, I'll upload the 4th and 5th print and photos of them all printed in another post since this is fuckin lengthy

PT2 HERE

[luckydicekirby]

would love any director's commentary you may have on The Only True Thing if slightly older fics are on the table here bc lowkey it changed my brain chemistry forever. I read it on a whim like four years ago at 1 in the morning and ever since then I've been hooked on making all my fav pairings miserable for no reason. this sounds like sarcasm but I'm being completely sincere the schadenfreude is exquisite

okay first of all I’m SO glad to hear this because making your favs miserable is I think one of the most rewarding activities on this earth so I’m really glad I could help share that joy. thanks also to sylvain for just making it so easy. anyway, here’s some assorted thoughts, hopefully some of which are edifying!

(the only true thing for reference for anyone playing along at home.)

this fic affectionately named the darkling au due to this tweet which I feel like I should put in a hall of fame someday. anyway this entire thread showcases the origin of this fic which was me catie and lily bullying each other on twitter about sylvix, a pastime left behind in 2019 which i really miss.

the thing that really first made me Crazy Cuckoo about sylvain is his B support with Byleth--I'm obsessed with that moment where he very coldly threatens to kill you and then laughs it off, and that was pretty much the jumping off point for Sylvain's characterization in this au--what if he was like that all the time? answer: it would be bad, but also pretty sexy!

One thing I miss about writing for fe3h is the hero’s relics were sooo nice as like. shortcut symbolism. the lance of ruin comes preloaded for you! It’s familial cycles of violence! Easy! and there's a mechanic for it breaking ALSO preloaded into the game mechanics! I wrote like three versions of the ending and the lance getting busted moved around a bit--it originally happened a little earlier.

For a while when I was still femblempilled I was idly thinking about two sequels to this—a sylvain pov sequel about the war, which would have been fun but also Yikes, and then epistolary dorothea/ingrid ideological divorce fic. sorry to dorothea and ingrid who really get the short end of the stick in this universe.

oh there's a playlist. I can’t claim to have put a ton of thought into it it’s just all my fav bad ya boyfriend songs <3 actually dead girl walking reprise is like. yeah that's the fic.

ANYWAY. I feel like a lot of my commentary on this has been washed away by the sea (the passage of time) so a few extras. I apparently wrote like 400 words of sylvain POV of the training yard scene also? Last edited September 26th 2019, here you go:

Felix has always been smaller him, ever since they were kids. Still is these days, to Sylvain’s delight. He wondered about it plenty, these past two years--maybe Felix had a growth spurt. Maybe he caught up to Dimitri. Maybe Sylvain would meet him at the monastery and they’d see eye to eye. Of course they don’t. Felix is a head shorter than him, and he’ll never see things the way Sylvain does. Still. Sylvain thought about it. He’s had a lot of time to think about Felix since the last time he saw him, since Felix ran away. Still a crybaby at heart, no matter how sure he was he’d grown out of it. Not much has changed, Sylvain figures. Felix might have everyone else fooled with that delightfully sharp-edged exterior of his--a pretty decent feint, Sylvian should know--but Felix can’t hide from him. Sylvain sees him down to the bone. The two of them are a matched set: liars at heart.  Like right now. Felix is trying so hard not to cry, his back to the wall of the training yard, his grip tight around the wood of his training sword like he’s actually going to use it. Sylvain hopes he will. He hasn’t gotten to see Felix fight yet, really fight. He bets he’s gotten better. He bets he’s elegant and controlled—maybe less so with Sylvain, and wouldn’t that be nice? That’s how it goes sometimes, when Sylvain dreams about their last day together. Felix’s sword at his throat, biting and cold, ending all this before it began. It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble. Sylvain wouldn’t have had to spend such an awfully long time missing him.  He bets Felix could make him hurt. Nothing seems to do that anymore, except for thoughts of Felix, the ones he can never stop worrying at like a bruise.  Sylvain doesn’t want much these days, and maybe that’s why it’s so hard: he wants Felix in a way that aches, delirious and unstoppable. It doesn’t matter so much how. Felix is welcome to cut him open or kiss him quiet or anything in between. As long as he never stops looking at Sylvain like he is now, hateful and just on the edge of tears, so clearly focused on nothing else. As long as Sylvain can have that, the rest doesn’t matter.  That’s love, Sylvain figures; the cheerful facade he gives the girls is nothing. He forgets about a new one every week. But Felix? He’ll be dead someday, and Felix will still have a grip on his heart, as tight as he’s holding his sword and just as dangerous.

and what exists of the sylvain POV sequel I never wrote:

Felix looks like shit. Of course he’s also beautiful. He’s radiant, for all that his hair’s a mess and his face is drawn and he’s got the kind of dark circles that only come from weeks and weeks of exhaustion. He’s Felix, right? He can’t be anything else. “You look like shit,” Sylvain tells him, because honesty is what Felix thinks he wants from him. He hasn’t seen Felix in six moons, but that probably hasn’t changed. “What are you doing here?” Felix asks. His horse stamps her feet and shakes her head, moving uneasily under him. Felix has never been a good rider. It’s clear he doesn’t appreciate his mare, and she doesn’t appreciate him. Sylvain wonders how long Felix has been making his way across Faerghus like this. He wonders if he stole the horse. It’s awful not to know. “Looking for you,” Sylvain says. “They say you’re searching for the king.” Felix never could stop himself from chasing ghosts. Sylvain hates that about him. It’s just as unfair as everything else: it’s the only reason Sylvain is still here, after all.  “I am. And you should be defending Gautier territory.” “Got a message from your father,” Sylvain lies. He slides off his horse, patting her flank. Felix, clumsily, does the same. “He wants you to come home.” That part’s probably true.  Felix scoffs. “My old man can send all the messages he wants. I’m going to find the boar.” He means it. Sylvain can see that he means it, in the flinty look in his eyes, the fold of his arms, the jut of his chin as he looks up at Sylvain. It’s the saddest thing Sylvain’s ever seen, and he’s seen a lot of shit. “Felix,” he says. He reaches out. He can never help it, not when Felix is like this, not when he believes. Felix doesn’t flinch from Sylvain’s hand on his cheek anymore. “Sweetheart. You know he’s dead.” “Don’t call me that,” Felix says. But when he swings himself back in the saddle and Sylvain does the same, he doesn’t tell Sylvain not to follow. That’s more than good enough. 

[gx-gameon]

I keep thinking about how you said the gang will pretty much take Chazz in after he finds out and keep imagining a scene like this

https://youtu.be/zFr_uosNXpo?si=J8OdwjN-lGF478pH

Chazz: I just...wanna keep everyone safe.

Jaden: Same...and that includes you too.

Chazz: What?

Jaden: Yeah gotta make sure you're safe too Chazz, you're family now.

Chazz voice cracking: Oh...huh...*trying desperately not to cry.*

Ya pretty much. I think this little tournament they are all at will turn into its own arc.

Jaden tells Chazz. He and Jesse stay with Jaden’s family. But during the final duel of the tournament something happens.

It’s the final duel and of course it’s come down to Jaden and Yugi. (The tournament had different levels I’m not sure yet is the DM crew was participating or spectating. But a Duel against the King of Games is the prize for the winner of the tournament. A shot at the title)

But some magic happens that splits reality.

Jaden sees Yugi shatter and screams “Dad!” Which is how the rest of the Gx cast find out who Jaden is.

At the same time

Yugi sees Jaden shatter and thinks he lost his son.

Cue the Gx cast working on their side and the DM cast working on theirs trying to find and fight the Big bad to put the two sides back together.

This forces the Gx crew to pull their weight as Jaden is distraught at seeing his dad shatter, and then seeing his whole family is gone.

Jesse and Chazz are both trying to help him through the panic. Jesse goes to take charge, (hes a good leader and naturally steps into the role in the Dark World) but Chazz stops him “the slacker is on the verge of a break down. You focus on him, I’ll take care of the others.” Chazz rallies the others.

There is some shock and hurt feelings about “waaan Jaden didn’t tell us :(“ Chazz is the one that yells at them to get their act together. We’re in a crisis now, hurt feelings later.

Mind you Jim and Axel were surprised but are taking care of business. They didn’t know Jaden as long and honestly it’s more surprising they didn’t figure it out given everything that happened in the Dark World.

Some of the others are upset but get over it. Some need to talk to Jaden to clear the air. And some are just mad. But none of that can happen right now because Jaden is super out of it and they are in a crisis.

On the DM side

They are furious.

At first they thought Jaden was gone. And that nearly broke Yugi. But when they realized the other kids were gone as well and that the air reeked of Magic. Well it’s a villain that they can beat the breaks off of. And hopefully that will bring Jaden and the others back.

They are quite brutal in their efficacy. If anything has happened to Jaden or the other kids the villain isn’t walking away.

It’s to soon after the Dark World for them not to be in a hard panic right now.

I have a few ideas but this is in its infancy as an arc.

But at the end of the

Chazz and Jaden are together outside of the Manor. Everything is back to normal and Chazz is thinking about where he can go next. The league isn’t starting up for another month and he’s still out of cash. He can’t stay here now that the tournaments over.

Jaden walks over and sits down with him and tanks him for taking charge when Jaden was out of it. That he didn’t know what he would do if he lost anyone.

And Chazz finally gets it. The pressure they had put on Jaden for years the stress he’s been under. He gets it. He just spent however long it took for Jaden to get his feet back under him playing that role. It wasn’t fun being the leader everyone turns to.

“I just…wanted to keep everyone safe.” He feels worried having Jaden thank him. How many times had they just expected Jaden to do this and never thanked him?

Jaden nods because he understand that statement. But he also remembers Chazz doing something stupid and risking where they almost lost him. “Same…that includes you.”

Chazz is suprised. What is Jaden talking about right now.

But Jaden just rest a hand on his shoulder and smiles “ya got to make sure your safe to Chazz. Your family now.”

And Chazz’s brain must have misfired because what?

And Jadne just laughs. “I told my Dads about you back in our first year. About your brothers and all the crap they put on you. Oto-san wanted to ruin their business but I made him wait since I didn’t want anything to affect you. But we decided that if you wanted it, you would always have a place here. And after everything we’ve been through. Everything you just did for us. How can I not call you family.” He looks back over to just see Chazz in tears. He gives him a warm smile and wraps his arm around his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go home. Dad’s waiting for us.”

And this is how Chazz became a permeant resident at Kaiba Manor.

Mind you the family had already decided that was Chazz’s room and that he was staying from the moment he walked into the house. They had known about the kid for years and Jaden basically acted like Chazz was his brother. They were just waiting to make the offer. Then everything went upside down, but hey we got here anyways.

[ominous-feychild]

✦ OC Questionnaire Tag 2✦

Following tag from @the-letterbox-archives!

Characters from Sun and Shadow: Freya, Crow, and Daleira Characters from the Arcane Rifts: Gene, Tazin, and Mislav Featuring tAR's children leveled up! They'll be answering at 15, 17, and 17 years old respectively!

Questions: - "What's your relationship with your family like?" - "Do you have any hobbies? if so, what ones?" - "Do you dream often? what about?" - "What is the one thing you would not wish on your greatest adversary?" from @willtheweaver

"What's your relationship with your family like?"

Freya: Well... we don't even know if my dad's alive but... re-regardless, it was rough between us. He was never around, and I just... I missed him. I know it was his job, but I blamed him. It was just me in that house, you know? Like, I mean--sure! I chose that! But the only other choice was to live alone in the city instead, where I had to deal with people trying to suck up to me in order to get money or whatever! So neither was a good choice, yeah??? And--I don't know, okay? I... I hope he's actually alive like the others say. I guess... I'll probably apologize to him, alright? But that still sucked.

Crow: Oh, my father's great, yeah. ... What, you were expecting more of an answer? Daleira: Oh, I love my dad! 😊 ... not enough for you?... okay, fine. Um... it's difficult at times between us. He's busy taking care of Lynsmouth most of the time, so we hardly spend any time together. But, you know--I get that! It's a lot of work to uh--... do whatever it is he does? Honestly I'm not that sure, haha. 😅 But I'm sure it's a lot! So, you know, it's not a big deal that he doesn't spend a lot of time with me. I'm really appreciative of him finding me and taking me in to begin with, and I've really led a great life thanks to him, so! 😊

Gene: I... don't remember my family. Just like I don't remember anything else before I got here. But... (*looks away to think. Will not look in asker's direction again.*) I think Abi was my brother? Older--older brother. He... really helped me a lot. So in that case... good. But... thinking the word "family"... hurts.

Tazin: (*spoken through his teeth*) I don't have a family.

Mislav: (*fakest smile you can imagine and not even trying to hide it; voice falsetto*) Dead, thanks for asking!

Crow: Sike!!! Bet you thought I wasn't going to answer. 😘 How cruel of you to think so lowly of me!!! 😭

I wasn't kidding, my father's great, I love him. He taught me everything I know about--detective work and all, heh! We don't always see each other because he's usually working on cases, but he's given me everything I need to succeed in life and I'm thankful to him for that. So hopefully I'll make him proud on this case with Frey! 😉😊

(tragically, it is not a work I have created if someone's family life is good. But, omfg, until now, I didn't realize SaS was the story of goddamn DADDY ISSUES!!! 🤣🤣🤣)

"Do you have any hobbies? if so, what ones?"

Freya: Oh, um... dammit, I'm not going to get away with a lie, am I? (*Heavy, drawn-out sigh*) Okay, fine. I... like reading. I know this is really weird!!! But, uh, sometimes, while I'm inshore, I've found books in the water. Books! Perfectly fine! Little to no water damage most of the time! I don't know if Dad sent them to me somehow or what, but... most of the time, they're in other languages. Things that don't always line up with those I find in the library. But I've figured a few of them out over the years, and I think it's really fun!

Crow: Psh, nothing as boring as reading. (*Precariously leaning back against a bulging doorway. There's a creak and then--CRASH!!!*) SHIT-- (*Furiously opens the door. An endless pile of books comes falling out. Except... they're all related to their cases? Huh. Is their hobby... working?*) Yep. That's my hobby. Working. Tell my dad that, would ya? 😘 (Oh I think we see something deeper in the closet--) NO!!! DON'T YOU DARE-- (*we zoom in to see countless artistic collages made out of cut-outs from pictures in their books and magazines.*) ... (*Crow, face burning, melts into the shadows and hides in shame.* But??? That's a cool hobby??? WAIT, COME BACK, AZA--)

Daleira: Oh!!! I just love working with magical trinkets! You know, conduits--from gods, mortals, and discovered in the Faewildes! It's amazing figuring out how each of them work and trying to figure out if I can replicate them! Faer and I have gotten good at transferring magic between objects, but gods' conduits are especially hard to work with. Like, come on--can't they share some of their power with the rest of us??? :/

There's a few items from Soren we just can't figure out, though... and he wouldn't tell me where he got them! I mean, that would help immensely in trying to figure out how they work, but we've already broken a few of them and don't want to risk losing all of them! Especially since--... well. An-anyway-- 😅

I gave Freya one when we first met! She was showing clear signs of magical sickness, and I'd already figured out it was a magical restraint you could manipulate the strength of--which is amazing, you know??? So it would be awesome to figure out how it works! But-- (*continues rambling happily*)

Gene: Hobby?... (*Looks away. Will not look back.*) I... like to draw. It's useful. Maps. Nobody else is able to navigate around the sewers, but my maps... they stay right. Even though they change. So it's nice to draw... feel useful. And everyone likes me then. Not just Mislav and Tazin. If... Tazin does. I'm pretty sure he does. (*Shakes his head swiftly, then nods*) Right. He does. Sorry...

(*Anxiously picks at his hands, still avoiding looking anywhere near the asker*) And... I've always liked reading, I think. The real stuff. To learn. It took a while for me to learn Glavni, but I've been able to read by myself for a long time now. I enjoy it. (*Finally looks back to give asker a pained smile*)

Tazin: Does burning buildings count? 😉 No? Okay, fine. How about just plain-old casual arson? 😉 OH, COME ON, HOW COME THESE GUYS'-- (*continues screaming into the camera, but we cut to black*) (*We return to a moody Tazin pouting with his arms crossed... and surrounded in flames.*) Fine. I've always liked stupid stories. You know the ones--knight in shining armor, or the underdog rising up and saving the day--that stuff. And Gene's got me into his stupid fucking "learning" thing, alright? But that's all you're getting out of me, got it, you little-- {REDACTED FOR PROFANE LANGUAGE}

Mislav: Um... not really? I... guess anything that lets me spend more time with Gene? 😅😭

... I really liked it back when I was on the farm. But... it's gone now. And I don't think Adilzhan or Zhrizn would let me do anything like that again. And... (*looks away, voice going below a whisper*) I'm afraid to even try.

(BET YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE ALL HUMOROUS HERE, DIDN'T YOU!?!?! DIDN'T YOU!?!?! YOU FORGOT IT WAS MY!!! MY!!!! STUFF YOU WERE READING!!! *maniacal laugh.mp4*)

"Do you dream often? what about?"

Freya: I think I've had a lot of dreams in my life. Most of them, I've hated, but I... can't remember them honestly. Except... fear. Being afraid of them. So, heh, you know--nightmares. Normal stuff normal people deal with right? Especially kids, I've heard.

... but I've been remembering a bit more of them lately, since I... since I was in the shipwreck. (*Voice goes strained and breathy, like she's struggling to breathe*) And I... I think I'm in the water again. In--in the dreams. And there's something else there--

Crow: Ha, no. Do most people remember their dreams? (They're lying. They remember. Their dreams center around failure. Failure, and a desperation to prove themself.)

Daleira: Um... not really? We faeries aren't like you humans... our "dreams" are... different. Real. I try not to actually sleep because of that. I don't want anyone else getting stuck in them.

Gene: Not anymore. I used to. Usually... nightmares. Monsters and nature and things chasing me. I have a curse. When I sleep... my nightmares find me. I'll wake up surrounded in things. Once... it included the monster. (*He looks away and is silent for a long moment, remembering.*)

... thankfully I don't dream much anymore. The curse is still here, but it's kinder now. Better things come through.

Tazin: No, who's asking? >:/

When I do dream, it's weird stuff. Memories. Wishes. (*waves hand dismissively*) Normal stuff.

(Also lying. Sometimes has nightmares of the people he cares about abandoning him. Stabbing him in the back. Telling him things about himself he knows to be true, but doesn't want to admit. Telling himself to be better... when he knows he won't.)

Mislav: Yes. I remember the night I lost everything. And the ones who took it all from me. (*looks to Gene*)

... almost everything.

"What is the one thing you would not wish on your greatest adversary?"

Freya: To find themself alone. To lose the people they care about... or feel like those people don't care for them back.

Crow: A pointless end. If you have to die, you should die for something. Something meaningful. Something you care about.

Daleira: Whatever happens to what I eat. 😅 (She's not kidding--remember, she's not human.)

Gene: Starvation.

Tazin: ... to be alone. Or... for it to be their fault.

Mislav: What happened to me... what's happening to me.

I regret deciding to do all these characters...

Your questions: - What was the worst day of your life? - What's your worst nightmare? - If a monster asked you your worst nightmare, what would you tell it and why?

Tagging (with no pressure) @darkandstormydolls @yourpenpaldee @honeybewrites @fantasy-things-and-such @themboty @.the-letterbox-archives (avoiding double-tags) and whoever else wants to join!

Divider from @cafekitsune

[mastomysowner]

What happened to the timid bird and the traveler by ymmtstyle

Part 1

1: The story of the timid bird and the traveler

2: In a city

- Ah! Toraooo!!!

- Torao?

- Yeah, I have a friend who travels around here!!!

3: - Is that you, Mugiwara-ya...

- Long time no see, Torao!!!

- You're not alone. That's rare to see.

- How have you beeeen?!

- Just get off for now.

- Oh?

4: - You're quite tall.

- That's Doflamingo!!! Now I travel with him.

- ...Hm.

- I'm Trafalgar Law. Even though I don't look like it, I'm still a doctor.

- So, is this Torao?

- Are you traveling with Mugiwara-ya? You're going to have a hard time too.

5: - You have eye problems, right? I have good medicine.

- This is great.

- That's because Torao is a doooctor.

- What?

- It's nothing... I just thought you looked a bit like my companion.

- By the way, are you with this klutz as usual?

- We split up when we went shopping... He hasn't returned yet.

- I guess he just klutzed somewhere again.

- Shut up.

6: - Law!!! Sorry for the wAAA- OWWW!!! Owowow... Oh... Long time no see, Mugiwara boy.

- You're still as clumsy as ever!

- Are you okay, Cora-san?

- Lawww... I'm so sorry. I didn't have anything that could break, so... I...

7: - Do... Doffy?! Isn’t that Doffy?!

- Does he know Cora-san?

- So~~~??

8: - It's me!!! Brother, it's me, Rosinante!!!

- Rossy...? Aren't you dead...?

9: - Doffy is alive, it's like a dream. I was about to die when Law's old man saved me. And he was the one who named me Corazon... Is father...

- He is dead. It was suicide.

- I see. I'm really glad that at least you're alive...

10: - Don't you hate me and father?

- Eh?

- We abandoned you and ran away.

11: - ...I don't think so. At that time, our father could not take two children at once and flee. He must have been lucky to be able to save at least one son. The biggest culprit is the one who spread the rumors. There were some tough times, but it wasn't all bad.

12: - Hey, Doffy. Would you like to live with us? You were all alone, weren't you, Doffy? We were able to meet again, so let's live together. Me and Law are like family and I'm sure it will be the same with you.

13: - That's... right. I... still want to continue on the journey. And that's why...

14: - ...I need Mugiwara. So I won't go with you... I'm sorry for being an older brother who doesn't listen to his younger brother's wishes.

15: - Ha ha. Did I lose to Mugiwara boy... Then that's that. But... Please don't apologize anymore. It's not like in the past. ...We are...

16: - ...completely free.

17: - See ya, Torao, Corazon!!!

- Yeah. See you later, Mugiwara-ya. And Doflamingo.

18: - Cora-san's family is like my own family, but... if you make him cry, I won't forgive you!!! Dear big brother!!!

- You have a nice family, Corazon.

19: I'm happy you've made more friends, Doflamingo!!! What were you talking about with Corazon? It looked like fun…

- Hm? Ah, yeah...

20: - The story of a timid bird.

[nerdieforpedro]

A Night of Madness

Joel Miller x plus size female reader

Fanfiction 18+

Warnings: Awkward family dinner, smut, heavy Southern accent, Joel is a menace

Summary: Jane had a one night stand. She meets him a month later at the last place she expected him to be. Joel is well, Joel 'fucking' Miller.

Masterlist

Notes: I made Joel’s accent extra Southern, not sure why just wrote it and kept it. All mistakes are my own. I thought I had posted it last week and still saw it in my drafts. I was very confused. 😐

“Um…hello. Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, name’s Joel doll. So you’re Jane?”

“Yup. I’m Jane. I’m here.” The pair shook hands, Jane felt her face become warm along with her underarms, anxiety is a bitch.

“God, could you two be anymore awkward? You’re the damn godparents for goodness’ sake!” Tommy had his hands on his hips. His brother was a big teddy bear. A mean ass looking one, but still a teddy bear.

“Tommy, ya’ don’t need to yell. Hell, we just met. Since’s he’s not gonna tell ya, you can park right here.” Joel held out a chair for Jane who sat and pulled her pale-yellow sundress down. It was her favorite, made her feel confidant. And she needed to for this so called ‘family dinner.’ Maria had insisted on it, gathering those who she felt closest to. It was sweet but also meant Jane would have to meet new people, like Joel, though he wasn’t exactly new. Joel’s daughter Sarah was previously unknown to Jane as was the adopted Elle and her girlfriend Star. Jane knew Tommy and Maria of course and their two children, Maria was six months along again.

The teens were playing with children while the adults spoke, Maria asked for Tommy’s help in the kitchen, presumably to explain again why this was a good idea when maybe it wasn’t. Did they really need to meet? Joel didn’t think so, though he was shocked it was the same woman who last time he saw her she was in a royal blue dress one month prior.

He had seen her in a bar and she looked very out of place. Apparently she had gotten separated from her friends and was asking the bartender if he had her phone’s type of charger. He did not. Joel offers to buy her a drink and to use his car charger. He thinks he knows where it is in the truck. She was weary but did need to to be charged, so she agreed and set out to his truck, she laughed about her poor luck and was thankful he was not a creep as she put it. Joel laughed and put a hand over hers, telling her he wasn’t, she would be safe with him. Her fingers intertwined with his and she leaned over giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Be careful who you say that to handsome. You might get more than you bargained for.” Her sultry voice and made Joel shift in the driver’s seat.

“That right doll? I don’t ’suppose ya’ nothing I can’t handle. I might give ya’ sumtin’ ya’ll never forget.” Joel’s other hand cradled her head and pulled him to her, crashing their lips together. It wasn’t long before she had her panties off and Joel was being jerked off by her. She then rode him both in his truck and when he was able to drive, on his couch later. After napping, he insisted that they go to the bedroom where the elder Miller made sure to take his time, get her out of the dress so he could explore all of her curves. He expected her to be hesitant but she was bold and poked fun at him for bemoaning his back. She soon was made to swallow her words as well as Joel’s cock. He tasted her core and couldn’t get enough of her, but the time the sun rose in the morning, they were sprawled across the bed, tangled in each other. It was then that she nervously said she had to go. He didn’t get a name or a number. Turned out she gave him something he couldn’t forget too.

Now they were sitting, making small talk over pasta and garlic bread like none of that happened. She was giggling like everything was fine. When dinner finished, Tommy and Maria put the kids to bed while Elle drove Sarah and Star to a local concert, Joel had already agreed on account of Sarah’s excellent grades, now they were left in an uncomfortable silence. Jane spoke first, after five solid minutes of quiet. “It’s, I don’t think we should mention that we know each other at all. It will make it weirder than it already is.”

“That so doll? Houdya figure?” Joel leaned forward, he had rolled up the sleeves of his red flannel shirt, with a smirk on his face. Jane’s met them and then went back to his face. It was frozen right now, but she remembered the expressions, the sheer awe that it showed looking at her naked form. No one else had treated her with such reverence. It scared her and she didn’t know the man’s name. Her first one might stand. It was easier to do than she thought, but so hard to leave. She knew if she didn’t Jane would have never called an Uber and left. “I remember a hellova night and morning.” His accent sent shivers up her spine. She thought she had a night of madness but she knew she was wrong. It was everything about him, the accent, his hulking frame actually making her feel small. Those hands all over her body and the praises he gave her.

“Doll you sound fuckin’ beautiful right now.”

“Tightest pussy I’ve had, you took me all the way in.”

“Shit that tongue, make me drown ya’ throat.”

“Fuck Doll you’re so soft, lemme hold ya’ stay right there. Not pulling out ‘till I harden up ‘gain.”

Jane remembered all of it and he had given her something she’d never forget. She’d gone so far as to go back to that bar and ask the bartender if he know the man she had left with. He’d scoffed at her and told her it wasn’t his job to remember everyone she fucked. She may have through another person’s bourbon at him. A waste of good liquor.

“I can’t…I lost myself that night and became,” Jane whispered “a bit concerned about finding you. So we can’t…” Her train of thought was lost when Joel’s hand patted her thigh. His touch gentler than the smirk he had.

“Jane, you look pretty in that yellow dress. Damn near close to that blue one you had on.” Joel’s thumb pressed into her thick thigh before scooting closer to her and leaning into her ear. “Still prefer you out of it. I wanna grab ya’ and see ya’ dripping’ fer me.” He left a small kiss to her check and stood to meet the footsteps he heard coming down the stairs. Jane felt her thigh where Joel’s hand had been, missing the pressure.

“You two make things a bit more friendly? You can’t be stiff ‘round each other. For the kids’ sake.” Tommy chimed as he hugged Maria. Jane stood and nodded, hugging the happy couple before moving toward the door. Joel used his long legs to meet her there and open it for her. “Brother, walk her to the car. She parked on the street. Elle’s car was blocking the driveway earlier.” He suggested, Jane put her hands in front of her plush belly, she normally did that when she was anxious. A given since she felt she might fuck him in her car on the street outside of her friend’s house. Joel and Jane stepped out of the house in silence until they got to her car.

“What is it about you that makes me want to have you rail me? I feel insane…” Jane opened her car door and tossed her purse in, slipping her keys in one her dress pockets. Joel stepped to embrace her but she stopped him, putting her hands on his chest. “No. Give me your number Miller. Tell your girls you’re sleeping over at your brother’s house. You’re following me to my place. Now.” He commanded and hopped into her car. Joel put both hands up and walked around to her window.

“I showed ya’ what ya’ couldn’t handle Jane. Now you wanna keep handlin’ it until ya’ understand. I’m fine ridin’ ya out Doll. I’ll follow ya’ and show ya’ some good lovin’ darlin’.”

The Tag List:

@fhatbhabie @morallyinept @pedritapascal @pascalsanctuary @nissaimmortal @grogusmum @theywhowriteandknowthings @beefrobeefcal @goodwithcheese @iamasaddie @psychedelic-ink @modernperplexity @pamasaur @pedrodascal @marcus-is-my-muse @clawdee @mintypossum @trulybetty @perotovar @joelslegalwhre @josephquinnswhore @mandoisapunk @awilderi @deviinci @secretelephanttattoo @for-a-longlongtime @tessa-quayle @legendary-pink-dot @sin-djarin @maggiemayhemnj @rhoorl @magpiepillsjunior @intoanotherworld23 @beabliss @alwaysmicado @daddy-dins-girl

[cowgurrrl]

Okay this is very random but I recently discovered a song called “Dangerous Hands” by Austin Giorgio and for some reason I imagine rockstar!Joel having actress!reader be featured in the song and the music video like soon after they get back together and the music video is like the big announcement that they’re back together and idk I just love that so much! If you enjoy the song I think that would be a super fun story, can’t wait for the proposal/wedding content for OFTM though!!

Sorry this took literally so long but the wedding content for OFTM is coming soon!! I’m writing it now but I hope you enjoy how this came out 🥸

Thank God I Found You

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: this ask

Warnings: none! Just fluff :-)

"Do you know how many other actresses there are in Los Angeles?" You ask, and Joel groans from his place on the couch. Daisy runs toward him, thinking he's in trouble, and you laugh when she lands on his chest. 

"But why would I hire someone else when I could hire you?" He asks, his voice a little strained with the forty-pound pitbull on his chest, as you perch on the back of the couch to look down at him. 

"Because nobody except for our families knows we're back together." You say, petting Daisy. She leans into your hand and slumps against the cushion with an overdramatic harumph, making both of you laugh. 

It's been almost six months since you and Joel got back together, and somehow, nobody knows. You've managed to keep it under wraps with strategic NDAs, at-home date nights, and keeping each other off social media. It's been peaceful getting to reconnect without public eyes on you, and you want to keep it that way for as long as possible. However, it's been getting harder and harder to keep it a secret. It's exhausting always waiting for someone to talk to a news outlet or for one of you to slip up on social media or in an interview.

Joel planning a music video for "The Yellow Subway" has brought all those feelings to the forefront. He wants you to star in it, playing yourself, considering how the entire album is about you. He's even talked about paying you, ensuring it's union work, basically giving you any and every incentive possible to get you to do this. Still, you're hesitant. Ever since your last Shakespeare in the Park in New York, you've vowed never to work with another partner again. It's been seven years, and you know Joel would never do anything close to what your last boyfriend did, but there's still that fear.

"This could be how we tell everyone," he suggests. "Could be kinda cool." You take a deep breath and slide your hand from under Daisy's head to play with Joel's hair. He puts a hand on your hip, and his thumb kneads circles into the muscle. 

"I read the script." You admit quietly, and he raises his eyebrows.

"You did?" He asks, and you nod. "What'd ya think?"

"I thought it was familiar," you say, and he laughs. It's true. It's basically a visual retelling of your time in New York, and it wouldn't be hard to trace the timeline, lyrics, and story to you. The song is also named after the yellow Q Train you took from Hell's Kitchen back to the Upper East Side. "But I also thought it was really, really beautiful." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

"So, what can I do to get you to do this?" He asks softly, adding a little more pressure to your hip, and you sigh. "A million dollars? A trip to Bora Bora? Sex every day for a year?" He lists, making you laugh. You occupy your mind by tucking a curl behind his ear and focusing on his touch.

"You really don't think going public will change anything between us?" You ask, and he sits up, agitating Daisy enough to make her get up and walk over to her bed. 

"Do you think it'll change anythin'?" 

"I don't know. We were public before, but that was different. It wasn't on our terms. We were literally forced to be seen out together," you shrug. "And I kinda like our little bubble. It's quiet. It's just for us. We've never had that before." You say, and he nods. You swing your legs over the edge of the couch and slide into his lap, your mind still whirring with thoughts as you straddle him. It's not that you don't want to share your love with the world. It's that the world got pieces of you before he did, and vice versa. But you also don't want to always be looking over your shoulder for sneaky paparazzi and nosy fans. If you're going to go public, you want it to be on your terms. 

"If you don't wanna do this, you don't have to. We can… keep our bubble for a little bit longer." Joel says as he kisses your cheek.

"But then you won't have an actor for your video."

"A little birdie told me there are a lot of actresses in Los Angeles lookin' for work," he teases. "I want you to feel safe and comfortable for as long as possible. If that means keepin' things quiet for a little while longer, that's fine. I just care about makin' sure you're happy." 

"How are you so perfect?" You ask, and he laughs.

"Could ask you the same thing," he deflects, locking his arms around your waist and pulling you to his chest. Daisy snores lightly from the corner of the room, but other than that, the only thing you can hear is his breathing and the ticking of his watch. Everything you see, feel, and smell is Joel. "I love you." He whispers.

"I love you, too." You whisper back as you push his too-long curls out of his face. Then, like time slowed down just for you, Joel brushes his lips against yours and kisses you. You think this is your favorite way to kiss him. So much of your early relationship was about how fast you could get through dates and obligations, and everything went by so quickly that you barely had a chance to catch your breath. Since you've been back, everything's been intentional and slow, like if things pick up too fast, too soon, this will disappear. Slow kisses, movie nights with the girls, pool days with Daisy, holding each other just because you can— all gone in the blink of an eye. You wish you could freeze those moments and replay them forever so you never forget what they looked and felt like. 

"Wait," you say, suddenly pulling away from Joel's lips. He furrows his eyebrows and pouts but doesn't say anything, so your thought doesn't run away. "I have an idea."

For the next three months, you and Joel spend time capturing those quiet, intentional moments of intimacy. He gets clips of you and the girls dancing in the kitchen to an ABBA song while cookies bake in the oven. You get clips of him strumming guitar by the fire pit in his backyard with your legs laid across his lap. At one point, Ellie even picked up the camera and got clips of you two working together to set up your Christmas tree, playing with Daisy in the backyard, and even watching the New Year's Eve fireworks from the balcony. It's a messy, complex, blurry snapshot of your lives, and it's perfect. 

A year to the day since you and Joel got back together, the music video for "The Yellow Subway" premieres as an anniversary present. It opens with Sarah's beautiful cursive handwriting announcing, "A year in the making." Then, as pieces of your shared life play, Joel sings the song he wrote when he thought he would never see you again, let alone get to hold you the way he does in many of the clips. You each post it to your Instagram with pride and only a little bit of (healthy) fear. You caption yours, "To the love of my life, thank you for being patient with me. I will always get coffee with you." Joel captions his, "You're my favorite secret. I love you, pretty girl."

Your posts blow up with comments, reposts, and likes, and the music video surpasses one million views overnight. Neither of you really cares about that. The only thing you care about is the fact that the entire world knows you're back together, and nothing has changed. You still fall asleep in his arms that night and make breakfast together in the morning. 

You're unsure what the next year of your lives will look like, but if it's anything close to you sliding Joel a cup of coffee while he cooks eggs for you and the girls, you think that's pretty damn good.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan (Part I)

FEMININOMENON

Same old story, time again.

Got so close but then you lost it.

Should've listened to your friends.

You sent him pictures and playlists and phone sex.

Let's get coffee.

Let's meet up.

I'm so sick of online love.

I don't understand, why can't any man...

Can you play a song with a fucking beat?

Make a bitch go on and on.

It's a femininomenon.

So, let's say it's working out.

You pretend to love his mother.

He's such a goddamn good lover.

Got what you wanted, so stop feeling sorry.

You know what I mean.

You know what you need.

But does it happen?

RED WINE SUPERNOVA

She was a playboy.

She showed me things I didn't know.

She did it right there out on the deck.

I'm in the hallway waitin' for ya.

I just want you to make a move.

Slow down, sit down.

I just wanna get to know ya.

Guess I didn't quite think it through.

Fell in love with the thought of you.

Baby, why don't you come over?

Let's pick it up now.

I don't care that you're a stoner.

I like what you like.

It's my type.

Want me to fuck you?

I will 'cause I really want to.

I've got a California king.

Okay, maybe it's a twin bed.

Don't worry, we're cool.

I heard you like magic.

I've got a wand and a rabbit.

Let's get freaky.

AFTER MIDNIGHT

Nothing good happens when it's late and you're dancing alone.

It's not attractive wearing that dress and red lipstick.

This is what I wanted.

This is what I like.

I've been a good girl for a long time.

I like flirting.

Can't be a good girl even if I tried.

I'm feeling kinda freaky.

Maybe it's the club lights.

I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind.

I love a little drama.

Everything good happens after midnight.

Maybe it's the moonlight.

Let's watch the sunrise.

I really want your hands on my body.

That’s my type of fun.

That's my kind of party.

Baby, put your hands up.

Be a freak in the club.

COFFEE

Can't meet you for dinner.

It's where I met your family.

Some words were exchanged.

We know where that leads.

I'll meet you for coffee.

I know that's a lie.

If I didn't love you, it would be fine.

Nowhere else is safe.

Every place leads back to your place.

He said let's do the park.

God forbid it gets dark.

I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.

We've done this before.

I don't need it anymore.

Let's not do coffee.

Let's not even try.

It's better we leave it.

It's never just coffee.

CASUAL

My friends call me a loser.

I'm still hanging around.

I've heard so many rumors.

I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch.

I thought you thought of me better.

We're not together.

Baby, no attachment.

Is it casual now?

I know what you tell your friends.

Get me off again.

I love being stupid.

Dream of us in a year.

Maybe we'd have an apartment.

It's hard being casual.

I try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.

I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not.

You wonder why I'm bitter?

I get off when you hit it.

I hate to tell the truth.

I'm sorry dude you didn't.

I hate that I let this drag on so long.

I hate myself.

You can go to hell.

SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN GIRL

Never waste a Friday night on a first date.

But there I was, In my heels with my hair straight.

This man wouldn't dance.

He didn't ask a single question.

He was wearing these fugly jeans.

It doesn't matter though.

He doesn't have what it takes to be with a girl like me.

I know what I want

I'm through with all these hyper mega bummer boys like you.

I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me.

Look at her moving.

She's the one

Oh yeah, I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me

Get up off your feet.

Get up on that bar.

Flash the camera.

You're a star.

HOT TO GO!

I could be the one.

It's all in my head.

I don't want the world.

Who can blame a girl?

Call me hot, not pretty

Baby, do you like this beat?

I made it so you'd dance with me.

You can take me hot to go.

I try not to care but it hurts my feelings.

You don't have to stare, comе here, get with it.

No one's touched me there in a damn hot minute.

I made it so you'd sleep with me.

What's it take to get your number?

What's it take to bring you home?

Hurry up, it's time for supper.

Order up, I'm hot to go.

Hurry up, it's getting cold.

Whew, it's hot in here.

Is anyone else hot?

You coming home with me?

I'll call the cab.